How My Battle With Depression Led Me to Fight for Veteran Mental Health

Mental health journeys are highly personal, and mine is something I’ve struggled with for most of my life. It can be hard to put the feelings of Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) into words; no two experiences are exactly the same, making this diagnosis feel even lonelier.

For me, there are times when I feel overwhelming, unexplainable despair. At other times, there are no words, just an abyss of emptiness. On a spiritual level, breaking through to the other side of a major depressive episode feels like a spring thaw after a Vermont winter, with a sense of hope and light I want to hold onto forever.

If you’re like me and others with MDD, you try to endure this first depressive episode, or perhaps many episodes, alone. You fear your family and friends won’t understand, because you don’t completely understand it yourself.

Early on, I didn’t consciously label what I was experiencing as depression. I lacked the self-awareness to recognize it, and I minimized my pain with the mentality that “other people have it worse.” I knew something was wrong. I missed who I was before this started, but I didn’t have the words to explain.

Even though I likely would have found support from friends and family if I’d opened up, I isolated myself and learned creative ways to disguise my depression. Since then, I learned that trying to block out depression doesn’t make it go away. And even if someone doesn’t understand what you’re going through, they can still support you.

After years of struggling to improve my mental health and access the care I needed, I created my own platform to help ensure others don't have to suffer as much as I did. Although I'm not a veteran myself, I come from a family that has served. Learning about the veteran mental health crisis further fueled my desire to support that community.

Finding Strength in Seeking Help

Before I found my way out of the darkness, I spent years suffering alone, finally hitting what felt like rock bottom. I tried everything I thought I could and decided that I needed professional help if I was going to survive.

I felt like a failure since I couldn’t figure out how to solve this problem on my own. Accepting that I needed help and then taking action on it is what truly began my slow, non-linear process of healing and living with depression.

While I want to say I had a whole community of people supporting and cheerleading for me, that was not the case — and it’s not because they weren’t there. It took me years before I was ready to share my true thoughts, feelings, and diagnosis with those close to me.

I became really good at hiding it from loved ones, feigning being overly bubbly and happy, and using alcohol to numb the pain. I couldn’t hide it from everyone, though. Eventually some of my close relationships fell apart because I couldn’t keep up the façade or let them in.

While my healing journey began with just my therapist, over the years I have been able to lean on my friends and family in times of need. Typically, these interactions involve me simply saying, “I’m not feeling well mentally, and I need time to decompress and be alone.” I’ve learned they will respect my boundaries and check in on me later.

Research shows that social support can increase resilience to stress and decrease depressive symptoms. It turns out being open about my depression not only helps me personally; it strengthens the relationships with those who care about me. I no longer feel like I’m hiding a part of myself.

Finding “My Why” in Supporting Veterans

I felt like I lost years of my life to depression; I didn’t want those years to not mean something. I wanted to help others with MDD or other mental health conditions, and I knew if I could help even one person feel better, all my years of suffering with depression would have meaning.

The COVID-19 pandemic marked a turning point in how society viewed mental health. As the world grappled with unprecedented isolation and uncertainty, conversations about mental wellness moved from the shadows into mainstream dialogue. This shift catalyzed a rapid increase of virtual therapy platforms, making mental health support more accessible than ever before. Yet despite this progress, significant barriers remained.

My own experience highlighted these challenges. While one-on-one therapy proved invaluable, often it was not covered by my insurance provider, my provider was out of network, or I had to seek care outside my insurance network to avoid potential career implications.

The high out-of-pocket costs meant I could only see my therapist during crises or when I needed medication adjustments. I knew that if these financial barriers affected me, they would be insurmountable for many others seeking this potentially life-saving support.

Frustrated by the system and the lack of innovation in the mental health industry, I started a company dedicated to creating affordable mental health solutions called Cabana. We create spaces for veterans, caregivers, and those who serve others (nonprofit employees, healthcare workers) to connect and improve their mental health through virtual small groups.

Our approach at Cabana centers on three core principles:

• Community: We believe in the power of community-based healing. Our platform facilitates connections between people sharing similar experiences, fostering resilience through collective learning and mutual support.
• Cultural Competence: We recognize that lived experience carries profound wisdom, so we carefully select professional moderators who can authentically relate to our members' diverse backgrounds.
• Privacy and Confidentiality: We understand the deeply personal nature of mental health discussions. Cabana's camera-optional environment provides a confidential space where members can speak freely and authentically. Privacy is paramount, so we keep all information strictly confidential and never share user identifiable data with sponsoring organizations or sell it to third parties.

Our small groups are led by professional moderators who come from a variety of backgrounds and different lived experiences, many of whom are veterans themselves. Those expressing higher risk for depression and/or anxiety are invited to participate in closed groups run by a master’s level therapist for a higher level of care.

If an individual is interested in working independently on their mental health, Cabana members can follow the self-guided path to uncover their core values and work on skills derived from a mix of clinically-validated modalities: Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Interpersonal Therapy (IPT), and Psychoeducation.

Barriers to Support and Veteran Impact

While Cabana serves a variety of populations, we focus on veterans since they face significant barriers to mental health support — many of which are unique to their military experience.

The transition from active duty to civilian life often leads to a loss of connection and belonging, making it harder for veterans to seek help when needed. While strong bonds can be protective against suicide, this shift out of the military world can still foster feelings of isolation and disconnection. In fact, veterans are 1.5 times more likely to die by suicide than civilians, with the highest risk occurring within the first year after leaving service.

Despite available resources, many veterans delay seeking support due to stigma, concerns about career impact, logistical challenges, or a lack of trust in institutional support. Practical barriers like out-of-pocket costs, long wait times, and difficulty navigating the VA system can also make accessing care feel overwhelming.

One of the most effective forms of support comes from shared lived experience — connecting with others who understand whether through veteran-specific groups, peer networks, or broader communities. That’s why spaces designed for real, judgment-free connection, like Cabana, are so valuable.

Cabana currently has over 750,000 military-connected individuals supported across federal, state, and local partnerships. We create a space where veterans can connect with professionally trained moderators who share similar experiences — whether as fellow veterans, caregivers, or those navigating life after service.

Tips for Veterans on Building Social Support Networks

Social support is a key protective factor for veterans adjusting to civilian life. It is proven to increase resilience, reduce stress, and lower risk of depression and suicide. Fortunately, there are a number of great resources and actions veterans and their families can utilize if they need help building social support networks:

• Join Veteran Peer Networks: Coalitions like Face the Fight provide curated resources to help veterans connect with peers and supportive services. Similarly, the Veteran Wellness Alliance: Check-In program is a coalition of eight national veteran peer-to-peer networks and 11 best-in-class mental and brain health care providers who connect veterans, service members, their families, caretakers, and survivors to high-quality care.
• Engage in Physical and Community-Based Activities: Physical activity and volunteerism can strengthen mental health and build camaraderie. Organizations like Team RWB foster connections through fitness and social events across the country. Similarly, The Mission Continues and Travis Manion Foundation offer opportunities for veterans to serve and lead within their communities, reclaiming their sense of purpose often lost after leaving the military.
• Strengthen Personal Relationships: Veterans often feel disconnected from family and old friends after service, but social support is a two-way street. Be proactive in reaching out, and schedule regular check-ins through calls, texts, or meetups to maintain these connections. And if someone needs you, offer encouragement, listen without judgement, and celebrate wins — big or small — with those in your network. Consider setting up Buddy Checks for you and your loved ones.
• Seek Professional Guidance: If social anxiety, PTSD, or lack of social skills impacts your participation in social activities, working with a therapist or joining a structured support group can help you build those skills. Explore Modern Military’s resources for free or low-cost options.

Finding support doesn’t have to mean going it alone; sometimes, it just starts with the right conversation.

If you think you may be experiencing MDD, and are not in crisis, seeking professional help from a physician or therapist is the appropriate next step.

If you or a loved one are thinking about suicide, dial 988 then Press “1” on your phone to reach the Veterans Crisis Line or press 3 for LGBTQ-specific support; there are also other LGBTQ crisis hotlines. Someone is available to help you 24/7.

About the author

Heather Townsend

Heather Townsend is Co-Founder and COO at Cabana, founded in 2020 as part of an AFWERX project to help the U.S. Air Force Chaplain Corps provide safe, confidential virtual spaces for airmen to connect during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Since then, Cabana has expanded to support over 750,000 military connected individuals through partnerships with theVA, National Guard Bureau, Virginia Department of Veterans Services, Massachusetts Office of the Veteran Advocate, and several leading veteran-serving nonprofits.

As a VA Mission Daybreak awardee, Cabana aligns its peer support model with suicide prevention innovation efforts to address stigma and promote early intervention for veterans not connected to VA care. Heather earned her MBA from University of Virginia’s Darden School of Business and BA in Psychology from University of Vermont.